Monthly Archives: June 2013

Six feet under

I stand above your grave. You, who I nourished and loved, kissed and caressed.  There is a disconnect.. the grave marker in front of me, the soft grass beneath, sun shining overhead.. still almost in denial.  How could it really … Continue reading

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Unplanned

Like most things in life, you were unplanned.  You weren’t in “my” plans, but obviously God had a plan for you.  Conceived accidentally when my middle child was only 10 months old.  Yes, I know that breastfeeding is not birth … Continue reading

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Always There

My dear friend’s husband wrote this song for her about his grief over the loss of their firstborn son. It is so beautiful, and touches me deeply. I pray they get the recognition they deserve for such a beautiful song.

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Survivor’s guilt

In a situation of the loss of a child, I think it is only human to beat yourself up, even when there is no guilt to be had.  Most parents would give their life for their child (ok, not all..) … Continue reading

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The grief roller coaster

The first few months after Anneliese’s death I was just in shock, almost unable to process my loss.  First I lost my favorite grandmother, then that same week I lost my Anneliese.  Then wham, not three weeks after her loss … Continue reading

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The happiest place on earth…

Will Disneyland ever be the happiest place on earth for me ever again? Will I ever be able to visit there again? My happiest memories are of our entourage at Disneyland.  Everyone thought we were crazy.. taking a 4 year … Continue reading

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Please be kind, rewind

I probably dated myself with that title, but oh well.  I wish my life were a video on an old school VHS tape, where I could just push “rewind” and do it all over again.  Not that I could change … Continue reading

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Happy first birthday in heaven

Today was tough. I knew it would be of course.  A baby should be with her mother for her first birthday.. trying her first bite of cake and ice cream, perhaps starting to take her first tentative steps, smiling with … Continue reading

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Missing my Anneliese

Oh how life can change in an instant.  Last year was a very bad year. A good year, yet also a very bad year.  Tonight I should be making preparations for my third daughter’s one year birthday, but instead, tomorrow … Continue reading

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