Monthly Archives: August 2013

The logistics of another baby

It’s horrible to have to even consider the feasibility of another baby; of another pregnancy.  Now, all in all, I have been pregnant four times, and yet now I only have two children on earth.  You could say that we got … Continue reading

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Reminders

Everywhere I go, I am reminded of what I have lost.  Of the fact that you are gone. Even something as simple as a commute on the freeway to work is not free of reminders.  My commute takes me past … Continue reading

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Posting hiatus is over

I have been busy and there has been no time to write.  We received the keys to our new but “old” house on Monday.  It was even more disgusting than we had thought, and is nowhere near ready for us … Continue reading

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Missing you

  I can’t take it. I miss you so badly. All I have left are pictures and memories. I really can’t take another well meaning person telling me that I am strong, because I am not.  

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Therapy

This morning I saw my therapist for the first time.  I suppose it was “good” to be able to talk about things that I have kept pent up inside of me.  However, now I feel “worse” than I did this … Continue reading

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SIDS happens

Or perhaps I should say, “Shit happens.”  Do you realize that SIDS is a four letter word? Well, actually more accurately it is an acronym. SIDS happens, and it is the most foul four letter word that has ever tainted … Continue reading

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The cost of mental health

I hate who I have become.  This is not how I pictured my life God.  How could this be in your plan? Why can’t my dreams turn out the way I wanted them to?  Why do you allow such pain … Continue reading

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Shattered dreams

Grief.  I can’t handle it.  I had the perfect family.  Why did you take my sweet Anneliese God?  Tonight I am coming unraveled.  Washing down my antidepressant with alcohol.  I really don’t care. I always wanted 3 children. I had … Continue reading

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Time keeps on ticking

Time keeps on ticking.  Each moment, like wave on the ocean, propelling me further and further from the point where I last held my Anneliese.  As if I am a derelict vessel, its sails torn and shattered, with no method … Continue reading

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