I survived. Again. I survived another year without her. How many more must I endure?
I wanted to make the day as positive as I could by having a random acts of kindness event on that day. A few participated but for the most part it was a big let down. I had thought it would be a good idea after seeing another SIDS mom do one earlier in the year with great success. 1000’s of strangers did positive things in memory of her lost child on that difficult day, me included. I can count on my hands how many did things on my difficult day. But it’s not the quantity right, but the quality of the friends. Only thing is most of my friends are online, or are far away. When I sit at home like today, and dwell, I think about how small my sphere of friends has become since her death. No one called on that difficult day. Today I feel alone. At least I have my family, but I feel alone. I have tried going to church to meet others, but that hasn’t been successful so far. I work so much too that it’s hard to have free time to give to someone else besides my family. That’s so sad.
This isn’t how I planned life to go. Where is the ideal life? Not on this side of heaven.