Wow, I can’t believe it.. it’s been over a month since our rainbow baby arrived! I was in the hospital due to placenta previa for over a month. Although it was boring, and stressful, there were blessings in my hospital stay as well. I am thankful that we live in this day and age when both Joshua and I had the option for medical intervention, and for life. In days past we both would have died.
Sitting in the hospital for over a month with very few visitors leaves too much time for the mind to wander; to think back on what was lost. To think and fear about my new baby and whether we would even get to deliver safely, and then after that, if he would live to see his first birthday. In those times of fear, God sent many angels to me in the form of my antepartum nurses. Seattle is typically considered a fairly atheist area, so I was surprised to find out just how many of my nurses believed. In my times of fear, they held my hand, and extinguished my fears. They prayed for me and my rainbow. And when he was born, they laid hands on him again and said a prayer for well-being. As difficult as my hospital stay has been, there are parts of me that actually miss it. I miss my “friends” that I came to know in the course of their jobs. They went above and beyond, caring for me not only physically, but spiritually.
Then God showed me even more of a miracle. I think it was a sign from Anneliese that all would be ok. Months ago, my friend Summer, at The Transparency Project,http://transparencyproject.net/, gave me a Bible quote as we were trying to decide our little man’s name. It was Joshua 1:9. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” NIV
It was this very verse that helped me to know that his name was to be Joshua. For I needed just this: to be strong and courageous after SIDS. For months I knew his name. We set our c-section date for July 1st which would have been 37 weeks and 1 day. But Joshua had other plans. On June 19th, just 2 days before Anneliese’s 3rd birthday (and also Father’s Day), I got up out of the hospital bed to use the bathroom, and felt a large continuous gush. I looked down.. and saw that I was bleeding profusely. It was time. Joshua decided his own birthday: 6/19/15. I was prepped for an emergency c-section, my IV placed, my doctor was paged, and I called my husband and told him to come in immediately. Wheeled into surgery, I was scared. I was going to be a mom again. This was really going to happen. Although a c-section was not what I had envisioned as a “healing” birth after a SIDS loss, it was out of my hands, and in God’s. My husband arrived, and they began. When I heard his cries, I began to shed tears of joy, mixed with sorrow. Joy at his birth, and sadness renewed at the thought that Anneliese should be here, 3 years old, to be a big sister to Joshua. I was able to briefly see our new bundle, and then he was whisked away to the NICU as he was only 36 weeks and 3 days. I was taken into a different room for recovery. The room number? 619 of course. Later after the drugs wore off I realized the significance. The book of Joshua is the 6th book in the Old Testament. The verse that Summer gave me, Joshua 1:9, the numbers put together were the same as his birth date, the 19th. My room that I was placed in, 619. Coincidence? I think not.
Every day I thank God that he is here with us. When I fear, I look back to that verse, and to the cascade of events that day that I cannot deny, and I look to the heavens. For God is good.