As of yesterday I was 28 weeks. Last week I had a “routine” OB appointment, and some of what my OB discussed caught me by surprise. The visit prior, he had been talking of a c-section at 39 weeks (July 7th) and that he did not want to take our baby boy earlier that this. However, last Thursday, he obviously had changed his mind. Perhaps based of my prior Maternal Fetal Medicine ultrasound, I am not sure. Anyhow, the plan has changed, and it threw me for a loop.
He performed another ultrasound and confirmed that the placenta previa was still present over the cervix, and also he noted that the hematoma (blood clot) was still there as well. I have had subchorionic hematomas with my prior pregnancies, but they had always reabsorbed by this stage of the pregnancies. But not so this time. Little boy was active and kicking, and his heart rate was good.
My OB then said that I am to stop lifting ANYTHING at all (which makes work hard), and there is to be absolutely no exercise, walking, etc. (So I will be sitting instead of walking during our June 13th SIDS event) Luckily he didn’t tell me to stop working, as we need the money. Starting May 11th, I will be starting betamethasone injections (steroids) to prep baby boy’s lungs for a possible early delivery, as I am at high risk of sudden bleeds. He said our initial goal is to get to 32-34 weeks gestation for best outcome, and if things are going well, to plan on a c-section at 37 weeks (the week of June 22).
Anneliese would be turning 3 on June 21st. I really didn’t want their births to be in the same week, but maybe it is a sign from above. I want what is best for baby boy, whatever that might be. The close proximity of the dates is a bit tough emotionally, as I really didn’t want another June baby. I didn’t want baby boy to be approaching Anneliese’s death date at the same age she was when she died. I realize that all of this is out of my control. It is hard not to stress, but also “normal” to do so after all I have been through. Just when I needed it, a scripture presented itself to me online:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7
Seeing this scripture made me refocus, and cast away my worries.. even if just for the time being. God is good, and I must have faith that this baby will have a different outcome, even if things are not working out the way I planned.
So I continue to pray that he will be ok. That the doctors will be guided by His hand. In the end, all that will matter will be that I will hold my sweet son in my arms and hear his sweet cries. That the scars on my abdomen, and the scars on my heart will heal as best as they can. But those scars will be a reminder of what was lost and what was gained. And I pray that we will have our sweet boy for many years to come.